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DOMAs Ongoing Damage to Bi-National Families

by Caity Kauffman
Tuesday Jun 25, 2013
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Committing your life to another human being marks the beginning of a flourishing new existence. Whether it is legally-binding matrimony or a domestic partnership, commitment is intended to strengthen a relationship.

But could you promise your devotion to another person, knowing your choice could seriously suffocate your lifestyle, rendering your partner unable to earn an income, have health insurance, or even be able to drive a car? Could you make that decision, knowing this choice could possibly carry on for the rest of your lives, with no way out?

For Daniel Zavala and Yohandel Ruiz, their union thrust them into a standstill. The two are trapped in legal purgatory, an arduous battle between immigration laws and the Defense of Marriage Act.

Zavala, 28, is a Mexican citizen. Ruiz, 38, is a Cuban-born American citizen. Zavala’s 90-day tourist visa expired last year, shortly after his nuptials to Ruiz in May 2012, and he’s been living in Coral Gables illegally. If Zavala ever leaves the United States before obtaining legal status, he’ll be banned from returning ever again.

"We got married because we wanted to stay together. I knew my visa would expire and I would be left without a status," Zavala explains with his thick Mexican accent. "But then our lawyer said ’well, getting married, there’s no legal procedure right now for a marriage like yours.’" Deportation is a possibility, but unlikely. Their future hinges on DOMA being overturned in the near future.

It’s a game of Russian Roulette.

Despite having a college education, the bubbly 28-year-old is unable to find a job that will pay the hefty fees to sponsor his visa and the pair depends on Ruiz’s single income working in cruise ship architecture. Zavala spends his days riding his bicycle around their quaint neighborhood, since he can’t obtain a drivers license. He takes care of their feisty yorkie, Parker. He tries his hardest to convince Ruiz to learn to love salad. But mostly, he hopes and prays the Supreme Court will overturn DOMA.

For Ruiz, their struggle against DOMA is a punishing reality contrary to the life of freedom he came to America in search of. When he was six-years-old, his family immigrated to Miami from Cuba, seeking refuge from the dilapidated country.

"My dad said to me, ’We’re going to this place where you can have everything you ever wanted, and be happy, and have toys, and go to school be a professional,’" Ruiz says.

But now, Ruiz is realizing he can’t have everything he’s ever wanted. Because from the moment they met, Zavala is all he ever wanted.

Looking for A Happily Ever After

It was August 16, 2011. On a random Tuesday, a friend dragged Zavala, who was on vacation from Monterrey, Mexico, to Score nightclub on South Beach.

On the heels of New York legalizing gay marriage just weeks earlier, Zavala was wearing a tee shirt emblazoned with "I Love New York" in rainbow lettering.

That bright, bold shirt caught Ruiz’s eye. "It was like wow, what a beautiful person," he remembers of Zavala. "From the minute I met him I knew, he was such a special person and there was this connection on every level. It was [love] at first sight."

They struck up a conversation, and Ruiz invited Zavala to dinner the next day, Wednesday. Zavala reminded him he had to leave on Thursday, but Ruiz didn’t care. He needed more.

The next day, the innocent dinner turned into 5 a.m. They fell asleep talking, and Zavala woke up late for his flight home to Mexico. From the start, it seemed as if fate never wanted him to leave in the first place.

When Zavala was back in Monterrey, he and Ruiz began regularly video chatting. They met each other’s parents over FaceTime. They had dinner together: Zavala with his family, Ruiz at home in Coral Gables.

"Thank you, Steve Jobs," Zavala laughs.

Quickly, they made plans to reunite. A few weeks later, they took a four-day cruise to the Bahamas and Key West.

"It was like a little honeymoon," Ruiz said. "The whole cruise we were talking about going to Paris and everything we wanted to do on our bucket list, and we were like, wouldn’t it be great if we did that together?"

Before long, the couple was investigating options to move Zavala to the United States permanently.

When their attempts at a work visa didn’t pan out, they considered sending Zavala back to school with a student visa. But the cost of education is steep and Zavala already has a Bachelor’s degree. They were doing nothing more than putting a tarp on a tsunami. It was a quick fix.

They even considered breaking the law and finding a woman for Zavala to marry in an attempt at securing him a green card. They were desperate.

"We would just wake up at night in cold sweats, like what are we going to do? We just wanted to be together," Ruiz says. "Any woman or any man can get married. Even a convicted criminal! You could marry someone who’s on death row! Meet them, marry them in jail, and they would have more [marriage] rights than I have."

Forging Forward

The duo spent the Thanksgiving holiday together, and Zavala returned home to Mexico with plans to be back again in time for New Year’s Eve.

But this trip would be special, because Zavala didn’t return to Miami in December empty-handed: He brought back an engagement ring.

"I wanted to [propose] on the first day of the year because it’s like a cycle. We were starting over," Zavala explains. "And it was funny because we had the New Years party, we went to the beach, we got crazy, and then I wake up, and the first thing that goes through my mind is that I have to go get the ring before he wakes up."

Zavala presented the silver, engraved ring to Ruiz just as he opened his eyes on New Year’s Day.

"I was choked up. I didn’t know what to say," Ruiz remembers. "It was so nice that it happened. I was so happy."

While their family and friends were delighted, they also had valid concerns of their quick engagement and rush to the altar.

"We got married for the same reason anybody else would get married," Ruiz explains. "Why would you get married, why would my parents get married? They got married because they found that person they want to spend the rest of their lives with, and when you find that person, it’s so hard, you don’t want to let them go! You want to be together."

While they dreamed of a destination wedding in Playa la Carmen, time and logistics weren’t on their side. They were worried that Zavala’s frequent comings and goings would flag immigration and prevent him from getting back into the country once again. They weren’t able to get Zavala’s family to the United States, and Ruiz felt too guilty to have only his family present.

So they planned a private wedding in a much more curious location: Washington, D.C., right in front of the Capitol Building.

"So there we were, in front of the Ulysses S. Grant memorial, there were Duck Tours passing by and people clapping. We felt we need to get married in front of the place where the laws are enacted that are discriminating against us," Ruiz says. "We need to let the world know..."

"It’s a protest," Zavala interjects. "Gay marriage is a reality already. And it has been forever. Maybe not with the label of marriage or the law of marriage, but it is a reality. Making it legal it would be just like an acknowledgement from society of that reality. The way I see it now, the U.S. is just closing their eyes to what’s happening."

Next: Fighting for Their Family and Their Future



Comments

  • BlondieSL, 2013-06-25 16:28:54

    How could any opposer read this, and the multitude of similar stories and not get that Gay people deserve the ssme rights and respect as non-Gay people? ?? This is history repeating itself; women’s rights; rights for Black folks; the list goes on. SCOTUS NEEDS to fix this, they really. It would be cruel and unusual punishment to let this linger on any longer. I sure know exactly what they mean by being married is WAY better than expected. That is precisely how hubby and I feel. On the 19th of July it is our 5th wedding anniversary. And 20 years together. The world didn’t end like the homophobes seem to predict.


  • Anonymous, 2013-06-25 18:43:46

    I am in the same situation.. I am American born and raised and I dont have the right to marry my Colombian just because he cant come to U.S. How sad.. ;(


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